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AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS
by Peter Sobczynski

June 16, 2004

1/2 (out of 4 stars)

FILM CREDITS: Written by David Titcher and David Benullo & David Goldstein. Directed by Frank Coraci. Starring Jackie Chan, Steve Coogan, Jim Broadbent and Cecile de France. MPAA Rating: PG for action violence, some crude humor and mild language. Distributor: Walt Disney Pictures.

Fans of the legendary Jackie Chan, faced in the last few years with such dull, witless endurance tests as the "Rush Hour" films, "The Tuxedo", "Shanghai Knights" and "The Medallion", may have comforted themselves with the notion that his subsequent films would have to be better-if for no other reason than it would take an almost Herculean effort to make one worse. Tragically, that seems to have been the sole effort made by the creators of "Around the World in 80 Days", the latest retelling of the Jules Verne classic. This is a real disaster-a sprawling budget (upwards of $100 million), a star-studded (well, star-sprinkled) cast and an enormous amount of energy clearly went into its production but the end result is about as thrilling as spending those 80 days stuck in Cary, Illinois with a broken axle.

The basics are the same-around the turn of the century, crackpot British inventor Phileas Fogg (Steve Coogan) wagers the stuffy Lord Kelvin (Jim Broadbent, slightly less funny than he was in "Iris") that he can circumnavigate the globe in 80 days in order to prove some thing or another. As he starts off on his journey, he is soon joined by Passepartout (Chan), who has just robbed the Bank of England of a jade statue and who signs on as Fogg’s valet in order to return to China, and Monique La Roche (Cecile de France), a would-be artist who joins along in order to see the world for inspiration. Although he fully believes that Fogg is full of poppycock and tommyrot and all those other words that blustery types use to indicate incredulity, Lord Kelvin sends the incompetent Inspector Fix (Ewan Bremner) after them to impede their journey and, as a side diversion, get involved in the kind of ham-fisted slapstick that even Hal Needham might have found excessive.

When Verne originally wrote his story in 1873, the notion of such a journey was quite fantastic in the pre-air travel era. Even in the 1950’s, when the story was revived as both the epic, Oscar-winning 1956 film and as an equally lavish stage production (produced by Orson Welles and generally considered to be one of his grandest follies), air travel, while common by that time, was still exotic enough for the average person that the idea of such a journey maintained its allure. Nowadays, of course, people board transatlantic flights without blinking an eye and so the central idea of the story lacks a certain resonance for contemporary viewers. A smart filmmaker might have had fun with the amount of time that was needed to travel a century ago but director Frank Coraci (best known for helming several Adam Sandler films-a sure sign of desperation) utterly blows that aspect; the film is so sloppy that there is never any sense of time passing at all until the last 15 minutes, when everything comes down to the wire. He even screws up what would seem to be the most sure-fire element of the story-the goofy back-to-the-future design of the various flying contraptions. The gadgets are nothing that we haven’t seen before and even when Fogg miraculously cannibalizes a boat into an airplane, the result is thoroughly underwhelming.

Instead, the story grinds to a halt every few minutes for a scene where Chan spars with members of his personal fight team-these scenes add as much to the overall narrative as the stripping scenes do in a direct-to-video Shannon Tweed film (though the choreography is about the same). It would be unrealistic to expect that Chan could pull off the same amazing feats of grace that he did 20 years ago but there is no reason for the dull, listless brawls that he has designed here. Only one-a neat battle in an art gallery where the paint flung by the combatants winds up creating art-even begins to approach his best work and even it is shot too sloppily to really have any impact. The one advantage to these scenes is that they at least do not require Chan to deliver English dialogue-a skill that still eludes him and which his American directors still force him to attempt despite his obvious difficulties. (After all, few things are as important in a Jackie Chan film than the dialogue!)

Like the 1956 version, "Around the World in 80 Days" is chock-full of cameo appearances-generally a sign that the filmmakers are so unsure of the material that they figure that they can momentarily distract viewers by sticking in some famous faces. While the previous film was prestigious enough to attract names like Frank Sinatra, Elizabeth Taylor and Marlene Dietrich (apparently Cantinflas had a lot of pull in the Fifties), this version can only muster "names" like Richard Branson, Sammo Hung, Macy Gray and Rob Schneider. (When Macy Gray is considered a special appearance, that is a good time to reconsider the whole cameo angle.) By far, the most embarrassing bit is contributed by Arnold Schwarzenegger, dressed in a cheap wig and dazed grin, as a grabby Turkish prince who spends most of his on-screen time trying to manhandle the cute French girl. (I can only hope that he shot this before the various sexual harassment allegations surfaced-the notion that this is his light-hearted spoof of them is too depressing to contemplate.) The only cameos that work are the appearances of Owen and Luke Wilson as the Wright Brothers; their scene has enough genuine humor that it feels as if they threw the script away and decided to wing it. If only the others involved had decided to do the same thing-say before the beginning of principal photography.

-- PETER SOBCZYNSKI

Copyright © 2004 Peter Sobczynski
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While the views expressed by Peter Sobczynski do not necessarily reflect the views of Criticdoctor.com, the Critic Doctor will occasionally examine Mr. Sobczynski's film reviews to bring forth an honest examination of those views expressed.