"Where Movie Critics Get A Taste Of Their Own Medicine"
Subscribe To Weekly Newsletter!

Coffee and Cigarettes
* * *

Not a conventional feature film in any way, shape or form, Jim Jarmusch’s "Coffee and Cigarettes" is a collection of 11 short films, shot over a period of years (the earliest dates back to 1986), which center around two or three people (mostly played either by members of Jarmusch’s stock company-including Steve Buscemi, Tom Waits, Roberto Benigni and Iggy Pop-or by cool friends like the White Stripes, Cate Blanchett and Bill Murray) sitting down for some java, a smoke and a hot cup of talk. When telling one single story (as he did in "Stranger than Paradise", "Ghost Dog" and the stunning "Dead Man"), Jarmusch can be one of the most compelling filmmakers working today but the problem with "Coffee and Cigarettes" (as well as his previous omnibus films, "Mystery Train" and "Night on Earth") is that the various films are so similar in structure and tone that they soon become repetitive; there is no obvious dog of the bunch but seeing the same thing over and over for 95 minutes, no matter how beautifully filmed (it is a measure of Jarmusch’s reputation that even little sketches like these were able to attract cinematographers on the level of Frederick Elmes, Ellen Kuras and Robby Muller), will test the patience of even the hippest moviegoer.

That said, I still found myself having a reasonably good time watching "Coffee and Cigarettes", largely because of my fondness for several of the performers. Among the highlights are Cate Blanchett, playing herself, taking a break from a hotel press junket to visit her slacker cousin (also played by Blanchett in a astonishing bit of acting), British actors Alfred Molina and Steve Coogan engaging in a subtle and hilarious game of actor one-upmanship, Jack White and Meg White sitting and discussing the intricacies of the Tesla Coil that Jack has brought along in a little red wagon and Wu-Tang Clan members RZA and GZA discovering that the greasy-spoon waiter serving them is none other than an in-hiding Bill Murray (or "BillMurray!", as they constantly refer to him), a man so far gone that he has taken to chugging his coffee directly from the pot.

Of the two best, the first is a hysterical duet between Iggy Pop and Tom Waits that touches on the intersection between music and medicine (Waits claims to be a doctor and explains his lateness as the result of having to perform "some roadside surgery"), the quality of the java at IHOP and how people in Abbott & Costello movies would always order pie and coffee in a diner. (If Jarmusch were smart, he would buy the rights to all the Abbott & Costello films and remake them with Waits and Pop.) The other stars Renee French as a mysterious woman, sitting alone with her coffee, who utterly bewitches a busboy without doing a single thing. You can’t blame the busboy-French is so compelling and beguiling that she is clearly a born star and the fact that she seems to be a complete unknown (her bio in the press kit reads, in total, "Renee French lives a mysterious life in and out of New York City") makes her even more fascinating. Even after the rest of the film disappears from the mind as quickly as any caffeine/nicotine rush, her effortless charisma will stick in your mind for days afterwards.

Written and directed by Jim Jarmusch. Starring Roberto Benigni, Steven Wright, Steve Buscemi, Iggy Pop, Tom Waits, Renee French, Cate Blanchett, Jack White, Meg White, Alfred Molina, Steve Coogan, GZA, RZA and Bill Murray.

Love Me If You Dare
zero stars

The French import "Love Me If You Dare" begins with two lonely children, Julien and Sophie, who meet and become inseparable friends-thanks in part to a game they invent where each dares the other to do some increasingly outlandish prank or trick. (The tricks start with releasing the brake on a school bus full of kids and go from there.) Years pass and Julien and Sophie (now played by Guillaume Canet and Marion Cotillard) are still at it, although by now it is clear that their increasingly vicious dares are simply away to avoid the fact that they are in love with each other and belong together. By this time, we in the audience are also hoping that they come to their senses and wind up together because they are so vile, hateful, smarmy and unpleasant that you wouldn’t want to inflict them on even your worst enemy for more than a minute. In fact, I would go so far as to say that Julien and Sophie are quite possibly the least appealing people I have ever seen in a film-and bear in mind, I have seen "St.Elmo’s Fire", "Battlefield Earth" and several "Friday the 13th" installments.

Alternately ripping off both "Amelie" and "Problem Child", but without the wit and charm of either, writer-director Yann Samuell has made one of the stunningly unlikable films in recent memory. Even worse, he is seemingly convinced that his characters are charming and adorable and that their silly pranks are amusing ways for them to combat a cold, cruel world that just doesn’t understand them. This is, of course, palpable nonsense; take away their cutesy exteriors and Julien and Sophie are about as cuddly and adorable as Leopold & Loeb. From the cloying opening to the unspeakable "happy ending", "Love Me If You Dare" is as bad as any movie that you will ever see in your lifetime-one so dreadful that it could inspire another wave of anti-France sentiment all by itself.

Written and directed by Yann Samuell. Starring Guillaume Canet and Marion Cotillard.

Saved
* *1/2

As "Saved" opens, Mary (Jena Malone), a born-again senior at American Eagle Christian High School, learns that her boyfriend thinks that he might be gay. Operating under what she believes is a vision of Jesus, she attempts to rectify this situation with spectacularly bad results; she becomes pregnant and he is shipped off to a clinic to be "cured". Keeping her condition a secret, Mary begins to question everything and soon finds herself rejected by her former best friend, ultra-Christian Hilary Faye (Mandy Moore), the kind of person who says "I am filled with Christ’s love!" just before whipping a Bible at someone’s skull. Before long, Mary finds herself befriended by the other school rejects-including Hilary’s crippled brother (Macaulay Culkin) and the school’s lone Jewish kid (Eva Amurri). Of course, these are the very outcasts that Christ himself would have aligned himself with, a fact that never seems to sink in with people like Hilary Faye, for whom religion is little more than just another popularity contest that must be won at all costs.

There are a lot of little things that I liked about "Saved"; co-writer/director Brian Dannelly gets some good performances from his actors (Moore is really funny as the obnoxiously perfect Hilary, Amurri demonstrates the same kind of quirky comic timing of real-life mother Susan Sarandon, and Culkin also has some nice moments) and some of the jokes are deliciously nasty. (Two characters spy Mary emerging from a Planned Parenthood clinic and speculate: "There is only one reason a good born-again goes to a place like that." "She’s planting a pipe bomb?" "Okay, two reasons.") The problem is that the film can never quite decide if it wants to be a full-out, no-holds-barred satire on the level of "The Life of Brian") or whether it wants to be just another John Hughes-influenced teen dramedy. (It says a lot about the world of contemporary American film when even satires of born-again Christianity wind up resolving themselves with a climax at the prom.) Some nice moments and a strong cast (Mary Louise Parker, Martin Donovan and Heather Matarazzo also pop up) but "Saved" never quite makes it as anything more than a slightly above-average "SNL" skit.

Written by Brian Dannelly & Michael Urban. Starring Jena Malone, Mandy Moore, Macaulay Culkin, Patrick Fugit and Eva Amurri.

Soul Plane
1/2 *

When an obnoxious jerk (Kevin Hart) sues an airline over an especially bad trip and wins, he uses the $100 million judgment to form NWA, the first black-owned airline. This sets up the plot for "Soul Plane", a film that should inspire a wave of tort reforms, if not many laughs. Loud, shrill and unbearable, the film is little more than a collection of obnoxious performances, pathetic stereotypes (whites are dopes, gays are mincing freaks and the worth of a woman can be measured solely by her cup size) and jokes that are so unfunny that you have to spend several minutes trying to figure out where the laugh was supposed to be in the first place. Even the supercool Snoop Dogg (playing a pilot who is afraid of heights despite always being high) is rendered impotent by a screenplay that gives him nothing funny to say or do. There is exactly one genuine laugh in the film-a woman is referred to as looking "like a black Halle Berry"-but other than that, this film is nothing more than a comedy no-fly zone. There is more genuine wit in any five minutes of "The Concorde-Airport ‘79" than in this film’s entirety.

Written by Bo Zenga and Chuck Wilson. Directed by Jessye Terrero. Starring Tom Arnold, Kevin Hart, Method Man, Snoop Dogg and K.D. Aubert.

-- Capsule Reviews by Peter Sobczynski

Copyright © 2004 Peter Sobczynski
All rights reserved.
Used with permission
Peter's Archives

While the views expressed by Peter Sobczynski do not necessarily reflect the views of Criticdoctor.com, the Critic Doctor will occasionally examine Mr. Sobczynski's film reviews to bring forth an honest examination of those views expressed.