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GARFIELD
by Peter Sobczynski

June 11, 2004

1/2 (out of 4 stars)

FILM CREDITS: Written by Joel Cohen & Alec Sokolow. Directed by Peter Hewitt. Starring Breckin Meyer, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Stephen Tobolowsky and Bill Murray. Rated PG

Sitting in the screening room watching "Garfield", the long-awaited-by-some big-screen version of the long-running comic strip, I heard exactly one genuine laugh during the entire 85-minute running time. I must admit that it came from me-there was a moment when our heroic feline (voiced by Bill Murray) was locked in a pound and despairing over the future of his canine pal/rival Odie and remarked "Guard, may I have a pair of shoelaces?" I laughed because I could fully commiserate with him-we were both trapped in a film so idiotic and unfunny that it makes the "Scooby-Doo" films look like "Babe: Pig in the City" by comparison. This is a film (and cat) so annoying that even the fabulous PETA babes would willingly go after both with a gunnysack and baseball bat.

In the effort to bring Jim Davis’s cash cow to the big-screen, the filmmakers have made two fundamental errors so grave that even if they had somehow come up with a brilliant film, they still would have been hard-pressed to overcome them. The first is the simple fact that, unlike the other major comic strips that have been brought to life as live-action films (such as "Popeye" and "Dick Tracy"), "Garfield" has never had any extended storyline that a feature-length plot could derive from; each strip is self-contained and is usually based on the conceit that the cat is either fat or lazy or that he craves lasagna. Therefore, the writers have been forced to stretch a character who has never been asked to carry a story lasting more than six or seven panels (on Sundays) into a compelling full-length story. Because he is basically a one-joke character, his regular behavior gets old really fast and the attempts to pad things out (showing him singing, dancing and having the occasional emotional crisis) simply don’t jibe with the Garfield that we know and love/loathe.

The even more dramatic flaw is that the filmmakers have decided to depict Garfield as a fully CGI-animated creature, along the lines of such beloved characters as Scooby-Doo, Jar-Jar Binks and that creepy snowman from "Jack Frost". The problem with that is that they have decided to allow all the other animal characters-including Odie and various other cats, dogs and mice-to be portrayed by genuine animals. This is a remarkably dunderheaded idea because whenever Garfield appears with any of these other animals, it is always more than readily apparent that he is fake and the others are real; the genuine creatures never seem to be reacting to Garfield even though he is supposedly standing right next to them. If they had simply done all of the animals, including Garfield, the same way-CGI or puppets or actual animals tricked up with visual effects-it might have played slightly better. As is, it just serves as an enormous distraction in a film that can ill-afford it.

The plot, such as it is, deals with Garfield becoming afraid of his place when his hapless owner Jon (Breckin Meyer), under the spell of comely vet Liz (played by Jennifer Love Hewitt’s breasts), brings the amiably dopey dog Odie home to live with them. After various attempts to one-up the competition, Garfield finally tricks Odie and locks him out of the house one night. The dog runs away and is claimed by the evil Happy Chapman (Steven Tobolowsky), a local TV schnook who is somehow convinced that Odie is his ticket to a network TV gig. Once he realizes what has happened, a now-remorseful Garfield (and does the idea of a remorseful Garfield strike anyone as a good idea?) sets off to the big city in order to rescue Odie and save the day with results that wouldn’t have looked too out of place in one of the crappy old Benji movies.

Even little kids are likely to find this storyline little more than a refried "Finding Nemo" and there is nothing at all for adults who actually grew up reading the strip. There are no laugh, no exciting moments and the deepest thing on display is Jennifer Love Hewitt’s cleavage. There are, on the other hand, plenty of commercial plugs on display. I counted four for Petco, three for Wendy’s, several for the various Fox cable holdings and one for Wonderbra whenever Jennifer Love Hewitt appeared. After leaving the film, I wasn’t sure what I subliminally wanted more-kibble or a foundation garment.

Much of the pre-release hype surrounding "Garfield" has involved the seemingly inexplicable decision by Bill Murray, that most valuable of performers, to contribute the voice of the main character. Actually, I can fully understand his reasons for doing it-I presume he was paid an enormous amount of money that would allow him to spend the next couple of years doing low-paying gigs for people like Wes Anderson, Sofia Coppola and Jim Jarmusch. For his sake, I can only hope that he agreed to do the film before reading the script and discovering that he would be asked to deliver such lines as "This puppy is stupid gone wild!" or "Houston, we have a problem!" and sing not only a parody of Billy Joel’s "New York State of Mind" but an end-credits rendition of "I Feel Good". That latter song, I suppose, was chosen to indicate that Garfield felt good-not a sentiment likely to be shared by the members of the audience.

-- PETER SOBCZYNSKI

Copyright © 2004 Peter Sobczynski
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While the views expressed by Peter Sobczynski do not necessarily reflect the views of Criticdoctor.com, the Critic Doctor will occasionally examine Mr. Sobczynski's film reviews to bring forth an honest examination of those views expressed.