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PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN
by Peter Sobczynski

July 11, 2003

(Out of 4 stars)

FILM CREDITS: Written by Ted Elliot & Terry Rossio. Directed by Gore Verbinski. Starring Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush and Keira Knightley.

Although the full title of their film is "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl", the most terrifying curse faced by the cast and crew of this hoped-for blockbuster is the apparent hex that has been placed on the once-venerable genre of the pirate movie. Think about it; when was the last time that you actually saw a good swashbuckler in a theater? Oh sure, every few years, someone notices that there haven’t been any for a while and tries to bring the genre back but the results have been failures so enormous that they manage to drag entire careers down with them. There was "The Pirate Movie", a hideous teen-pop revision of "The Pirates of Penzance" that is best left forgotten. Roman Polanski labored for years to make one and when he did, the result, "Pirates", was so nightmarishly miscast (Walter Matthau as a grizzled pirate captain?) and executed that it remains the single greatest lapse in judgment of his entire life. "Cutthroat Island" was one of the most expensive duds in film history and all but ruined the once-promising careers of Geena Davis and Renny Harlin. Even the venerable animation studios at Walt Disney suffered a crippling blow last winter when their "Treasure Planet" became one of their biggest flops. (Don’t even get me started on "Hook".)

And yet, people still try to make them every once in a while because the idea of a pirate movie-with all of the "kissing and jumping and drinking and humping" (to steal a quote from "My Favorite Year")-is still an enormously appealing notion. Personally, I am convinced that audiences rejected those films not because of the genre but because they were all superlatively horrible movies and that a decent example just might hit it big. Proving that point, I happened to be at a screening of a revival of "The Black Pirate", starring the legendary Douglas Fairbanks, at Roger Ebert’s Overlooked Film Festival earlier this year and the audience-ranging from little kids to an old gentleman who had seen the 1926 film in its original release-went nuts over every single frame of it. Perhaps deep down, people really do want to be pirates and are just waiting for the right film to put those feelings into context.

In "Pirates of the Caribbean", Orlando Bloom (the hunky elf from the "Lord of the Rings" movies) stars as Will Turner, an orphaned blacksmith’s apprentice in the Caribbean town of Port Royal who is secretly in love with the lovely Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley), the spunky Governor’s (Jonathan Pryce) daughter who has known him since they were little kids and she discovered him drifting in the water after a pirate attack. At the same time, Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp), a down-on-his-luck pirate captain, comes to town, saves Elizabeth from drowning and, for his troubles, is sentenced to death by the officious Commodore Norrington (Jack Davenport), who just happens to be Elizabeth’s would-be fiancee.

Things get even more complicated when the town is attacked by pirates. Not just any pirates but the crew of the dreaded Black Pearl, led by the infamous Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush). Since stealing a cursed treasure, the crew has been forced to live their lives as the walking undead (who transform into walking skeletons under the moonlight) until they replace every cent of it and offer a blood sacrifice. Because Elizabeth is wearing a medallion that is the final piece (which she took from Will years ago when they first met), the pirates kidnap her and take her to the sacrifice. When no one else will aid him in saving his beloved, Will recruits Sparrow (who used to captain the Black Pearl’s crew until a Barbossa-led mutiny) to help him gather a ship and crew and arrive to rescue Elizabeth in the...TA-DAA...nick of time.

The plot, of course, is sheer nonsense (the inevitable result of trying to base a film on an amusement-park ride) and director Gore Verbinski (who previously helmed "The Mexican" and the remake of "The Ring") wisely keeps it to a minimum as he veers from one action set-piece to the next. The fight scenes, which involve a complex mixture of slick choreography and elaborate special effects, are elaborate and occasionally quite thrilling. While the film doesn’t quite reinvent the pirate genre, it does pay homage to its key elements without ever devolving into self-parody and ever once in a while, Verbinski hits upon a moment or two of weird beauty-take a climactic pirate attack where, in a bit seemingly inspired by both "The Black Pirate" and "Army of Darkness", the literal skeleton crew attacks a boat from below.

While Bloom doesn’t really do much more than stand around and look hunky, he is surrounded by actors more than willing to make more vivid impressions. Geoffrey Rush is very funny as the diabolical Captain Barbossa-his lushly demented persona shines through even when he has been completely replaced by special effects. Keira Knightley-you may remember her as the tomboy teammate in "Bend It Like Beckham"-is also pretty memorable in a role that could have just served as window dressing; here, she is spunky and sexy enough to make her the idol of worship for both little girls and horny old men alike.

What will probably be the most controversial aspect of the film is the decidedly strange work turned in by Johnny Depp, one of the most inventive American working today and one who isn’t afraid to take things to their most far-out levels. His work as Sparrow is a seriously whacked-out turn and is so filled with eye-rolling, mumbles, jerks, grunts and strange asides that it appears that he has based his character on none other than Hunter S. Thompson (the Gonzo journalist whom Depp perfectly embodied in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"). Some may argue, not unreasonably, that his performance is so far over-the-top that it becomes ridiculous. The way I see it-if you are cast in a film where you get to wear a ruffled shirt, a handlebar mustache, a tri-corner hat and gallons of mascara while jumping around a boat and battling skeletons and monkeys while saying things like "Avast!", you have earned the right to chew a little bit of the scenery without complaint.

I enjoyed "Pirates of the Caribbean" enough to recommend it but there are a couple of serious flaws with it that should be addressed. The first problem is that the film is, quite frankly, too long; it clocks in at well over two hours and it begins to seriously drag towards the end. (Nevertheless, stay through the end credits for an amusing post-film bonus scene.) The over aspect isn’t really a problem but should be noted for parents who are thinking of taking little kids to see the film. Although the film is being released under the Walt Disney banner instead of Touchstone, the film is PG-13 and there are a lot of things that might give little kids the willies. Not only are there numerous scenes in which skeletons are running around but the fight scenes are surprisingly violent, complete with throat slittings, axes in the back and other bits of carnage that might not sit well with some viewers. There hasn’t been this much bloodletting involving the Disney name since the opening weekend box-office tallies for "Billy Bathgate".

-- PETER SOBCZYNSKI

Copyright © 2003 Peter Sobczynski
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While the views expressed by Peter Sobczynski do not necessarily reflect the views of Criticdoctor.com, the Critic Doctor will occasionally examine Mr. Sobczynski's film reviews to bring forth an honest examination of those views expressed.